my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
