Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
