I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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