The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
