You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
