Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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