I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
