Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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