Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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