There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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