i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
