Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my poor anus
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