Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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