He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
