The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
