i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
