I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
