honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
