areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
