I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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