ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
