Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
