When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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