I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
