what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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