we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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