my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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