C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
