Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im six kinds of drunk right now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
