I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
