dude i'm inner monologue high
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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