I am in a vortex of obligation.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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