Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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