I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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