I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
