It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
