Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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