i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
