JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
