I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
