I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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