Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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