I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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