Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No subtext here. People are naked.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
