i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
