everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
