Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize