He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
