This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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