Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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