you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
