She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
