i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
