I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
as a side note pls kill me
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