your parents love me but you hate me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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