shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
