I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
