I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
