making cat noises will not fix the situation.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
