Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
