yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
