You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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