i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
