He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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