Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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