This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
