my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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