I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
