I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
