i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
