my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
