So drunk its hurt
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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