hell yes lets make some ravioli
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
