No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
