Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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