ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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