i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
