Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
