Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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