I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
